It startled me.
Without notice, it reared its ugly head.
My chest was heavy.
I couldn’t move.
Couldn’t breathe.
My hands started to shake.
I glanced over at my sister to make sure she hadn’t noticed.
She was focused on the road.

Reality was sinking in.
Apparently this called for an anxiety attack.

I have a job.
A real one.
It will hopefully be one I have for years.
Meaning I stay in one place.
I get an apartment on my own.

I will now have to rely on my sister for rides.
I won’t be able to visit people as I please.
I have a consistent schedule.
Great, and alarming.
I am not used to this.

Staying in one place is a big deal for me.
Something I haven’t done in 6 years.

The anxiety wraps itself around me.
Reminding me I am not in control.
I have no power
I am weak.

The nausea sets in.
I close my eyes.

I can do this.
This is not something to fear.
I am an adult.

I love my job.
So staying still for it should not be hard.
It is something to look forward to.
Stability.
Through stability, I will gain strength.
Through strength, power.
Through power, control.

I take a deep breath and smile.

I can do this.

Advertisements