It returns
The want.
The need.
The addiction I can’t fight.
I am weak to it.
The feelings after.
Being able to breathe again.
Some days, it reminds me I am alive, reminds me I can feel.
Other days, it releases all that I have let build up.
In one moment,
it is released.
No longer weighing me down.
Everything gets easier, or so it seems.
Things are bearable.
I can let out the breath I had been holding so long.
The moment of release.
The moment of escape.
It is clear.
It is the one thing I can always count on.
Never would I tell anyone else to do it.
But for me?
In an unexplainable way,
it is safety.
It keeps me sane.
Keeps me breathing.
It keeps me.
When it happens once.
It happens again.
No fighting it.
The fight takes too much out of me.
Give in.
It’s easier.
Give in.
There is nothing else.
Give in.
It calls to me.
I am weak.
I give in.