It is a cold, gray, morning.  I wrap my coat around myself a little tighter.
I walk to the town common and pull out a cigarette.
Light it up, inhale deeply, let it out.
I watch the smoke cloud dissipate, then continue on my way to school.
I hide the cigarette, only taking a drag when no one is driving by. 
It is the only way I can smoke without my family finding out.
My thoughts wander.
I can’t get rid of the feeling.
The feeling of wanting to disappear.
Wishing I could fade away like the smoke,
into thin air.
I need an escape.
I need a way out of this town.
I am tired of all of the drama,
the constant bullshit.
Angry words.
Destructive words.
You can only handle so much.
You become destructive as well.
In your own way.
It is not easy being 15.
Not easy to make sense of the constant craziness that has become your life.
The lies,
Secrets.
I throw down the cigarette and step on it.
I continue to walk.
I make plans.
Add up my money in my head.
Think about where I would go.
Dream of what I could do.
Somewhere happier,
safer.
Somewhere I could belong.
I walk up to the doors of the school and open them.
I step inside.
Entering back into reality.
Accepting what is.
Saving the plans for later.

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