Anger flooded through me, coursed through my veins.
My body was shaking.
How? How could she do this?
How could she tell a 12-year-old girl to keep a secret like that?
How could I keep a secret that big from my dad?
The conversation plays again in my mind.

“Can you come here, Kim? I need to talk to you.” My mom says to me heading into her bedroom.

I follow her in and she shuts the door behind me.

Uh-oh, what did I do? I quickly run through a list in my mind of anything I may have recently done that would lead to this. Other than terrible school work, nothing comes to mind.

“What’s up, mom?” I casually ask, hoping if I play dumb it will go smoother.

“I need to talk to you about something important.  I need you to listen.”

“Ok.” An uneasy feeling settles in my stomach. 

“Well, you know how I have been going to bingo with Sharon… well, I recently met someone there.”

Why is she telling me she met a new friend? What is so important about that?

“He is a nice guy.  We exchanged numbers a few weeks back. We have seen each other some since then.”

My stomach starts to turn

“Kim, your dad and I haven’t been in love for quite a while.  Things have changed. He is just not the same anymore.  I am going to be leaving your dad, Kim.  I haven’t told him yet.  I am going to tell him sometime this week…”

I don’t hear anything else she says.
I feel ready to vomit. 
This must be a nightmare, an awful nightmare.   
I can’t speak; I can’t focus on anything she is saying.  I can’t move.

Why is she telling me this? Why is she doing this? This is a terrible mistake.

Slowly words start to form.

“Why? You guys are in love! You guys are happy!” my words are loud.

“No, Kim. We are not. He doesn’t want to help with anything. He doesn’t want to go out on the weekends. He doesn’t –“

That’s not true! It’s not! He loves us! He still does stuff with us! He loves us!” I am yelling at her now. My hands are shaking.
“I can’t believe you would do this!!!
I throw open the door and run into the hall. She yells after me, but I ignore her. I run into my room and slam the door.
I am so angry.  My whole body is shaking.
My blood is boiling. A fury is building up in me. I am ready to explode.
There is a knock at the door.

LEAVE ME ALONE!” The fury arrives and explodes out me like a volcano.

I grab my pillow and scream into it as loud as I can.
I am still shaking.
I start throwing things, shoes, books, movies, anything I can find.
The fury within me is still begging to be unleashed.
I start punching the wall.
One punch after another, my knuckles start to bleed but I can’t stop. 
Finally, with one last punch I fall to the floor in a heap.
I brush the hair out of my face.
My cheeks are wet.
Tears are falling down my face.
I don’t remember starting to cry, but the proof is there.
Blood is dripping down the backs of my hands. I don’t care though.

How can I look at my dad tonight, how can I be around him and not tell him this?  How can I not tell him what my mom has done? He may not be my biological dad, but he raised me. He is my dad. How can I look at my mom, knowing what she has done? It disgusts me.

After a while, I hear my dad come in the front door.
I dry my eyes and clean up my hands. I pull myself together and paste a smile on my face.
I open my bedroom door and prepare myself for the lies to come.

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