I was surrounded.
Chaos was coming from every angle!
No matter which way I turned there was another carriage, another person.
Wal-mart was in a state of chaos: except there was no NEED for all of this chaos.
I have been to Walmart on a Saturday before. 
Never have I seen that much pandemonium.
Were people confused? Did they think tax-free weekend was this weekend?
Anyways,
I only had a few items on my list to get: water, sandwich stuff, coffee, and a bin.
Oh and deodorant.  I put some on before I left the house, but before getting the cover on tight, I dropped it and now have tiny white speckles of deodorant scattered on my bedroom floor.  Awesome. 
Again, anyways,
I had managed to get everything else in a timely fashion.
All that remained was the deodorant.
For some reason, everyone else in the store felt the need to be in the health and beauty department at the same time.
This was not very conducive to me.
As I said, I was surrounded.  I tried going around people but there was no room.

    “Why are there so many people?!” I said just loudly enough for those around me to hear. 

They shifted, but none moved.  Assholes.   
I tried going around a different way.  Everyone else migrated in the same direction.
So I went back around to the other side.
Again the people migrated.  It was like they were a flock of sea gulls going after the same damn piece of food.  I had to go all the way down towards the pet area, and then come back around.  And again, everyone migrated to the way I was going!
FUCKING MOVE PEOPLE!!!
I was ready to turn into bitchzilla and tell the people to move the fuck out of my way.
Then I had a brilliant idea!
I took the Red Rover approach.
You know the game Red Rover, right?
The one where there are two teams of people standing in a line.  They are holding hands with their arms stretched out as far as they can.  Then someone runs trying to break through without getting clotheslined. 
That is pretty much what I did.
I grabbed a tight hold onto the handle of my carriage, focused on one area with a small space free of people, sped up and shoved my way through.
People were a little more apt to move since I was coming towards them with a carriage, but still.  I Red Rovered right through those space hogging jerks. 
I won bitches!
I quickly chose my deodorant, then Red Rovered my way back through this incredulous crowd of people.
All was well until I attempted to check out.  I slid my debit card, entered my pin, no cash back, DENIED.
Really?
I checked my balance the day before and had enough then.
Tried again, slide, pin, no, DENIED.
What the fuck.
I checked my pockets for my credit card.
Oh that’s right I remember the conversation with myself I wouldn’t need it, I have enough.
Sigh.

    “I’m sorry.  I apparently have no way to pay for my items.”

I felt like such a dumbass. And also, I was pissed.
I started to walk away.
Then I passed the ATM and was struck by yet another brilliant idea!
I have money in my savings account!
So I took out some money.  As I was standing there at the ATM waiting, as all ATM’s make you do for awkwardly long periods of time, a Walmart worker passed by with my cart.
Slightly embarrassing moment to follow.

    “Oh hey that’s mine! I didn’t have enough money before, but now I do! Can I have my cart back?”

Oh the sheepish grin that came across my face.
The woman gave me my cart and looked at me a little funny.
It was a little awkward, but screw her!
I got my cart back. I won.
Then because of the large crowds of people standing around Wal-mart with the “duh” stare, I had to go all the way around the cash registers to get to an open one.  Finally I could leave this chaos. 
I won that Walmart trip, bitches!

Advertisements